POEMS FROM "UNDERSTANDING ME"
WRITTEN BY: CLAIRE PLASKOW
This Body
In this body I am safe.
I can’t drink
I can’t do drugs
I can’t have relationships
I can’t have sex
I can’t go out
In this body I am safe.
I have no chance of going back to previous addictions
I have no chance of going back to previous behaviour
I have no chance of losing control
In this body I am safe. I have no expectations
I have no dependents
I have no responsibilities
In this body I am safe.
In this body I have excuses
In this body I can avoid and prevent
In this body I am in control
Except I am not.
Because this body controls me.
In this body I am a slave to the mind.
In this body I am imprisoned In this body I avoid
In this body I mourn who I was I mourn who I want to be.
I Fear Me
I fear being right,
I fear being wrong,
I fear getting weaker instead of getting strong.
I fear being dead,
I fear being alive,
I fear the in-between more
as it is a constant fight to survive.
I fear going to sleep
in case I don’t wake up.
I fear waking up
because of the strength I have to keep.
I fear the hot,
I fear the cold,
I fear most of all that I won’t ever get old.
I fear anger,
I fear pain,
I fear the way it consumes me again and again.
I fear I am broken
and that I’ll never mend,
I fear that this living nightmare will never ever end.
But most of all my biggest fear is me.
And that there will never come a time where I can just ‘be’.
Thinking
Can’t you see,
None of its real.
Yet we still allow them to dictate …
Exactly what we feel
Whether it’s happy or sad,
Wrong or right,
Our thoughts hold the power to govern every day and night.
But thinking can be fun,
When the random thoughts flow.
They can take you to places You’d never usually go.
They bring you a smile,
A giggle and a laugh.
They take you along
A much brighter path.
I love and I hate thinking
In equal measure,
But some of the great thoughts,
I will always treasure.
Thinking can imprison you,
Thinking can set you free,
Of one thing I’m certain:
Thinking will always be.
One Day
One day,
When the freedom comes,
There will be joy,
There will be peace of mind.
One day,
When the fog lifts and the clouds drift apart,
Things will be clear,
There will be life.
One day,
When this story ends,
There will be joy,
There will be happiness.
One day,
When the day does come,
I will be the person
that I always wanted to be.